31 March 2007

Starfucks Occupies Egypt

Well I got to know last night that Burger Kind is coming mid year and this morning I noticed that Starfucks is knocking on the door it is either opening within days or already opened.

Egyptian coffee junkies are you happy?? I am sure it was the biggest worry of all Egyptians where should they go for their caffeine fix? Starfucks came in and solved their dilemma.

Let me tell you about STRAFUCKS:

1) The coffee itself. Starfucks took the Italian art of coffee brewing and bastardized it by adding syrups, whipped cream, flavored extracts, soy milk, goat semen (well, who the hell knows right?) and anything else they care to chuck in. Another negative is that the coffee isn’t served that hot (cause they are worried of being sued if some cretin spills the coffee on his lap and burns himself).

2) Health. With all those syrups and whipped cream, Starfucks coffee is packed with calories. Have one of the huge slices of fat filled cheesecakes and you are well on the road to obesity.

3) Politics. Starfucks is a fucking huge corporation, with 8,345 locations in the US alone and tens of thousands more across the world. Not quite as wanky as the golden arches but the coffee still tastes corporate. On the other hand based on Middle Eastern conspiracy theories Starfucks CEO - Howard Schultz – is a Jewish conservative who funds Israeli’s military. Starbucks also claims to support the Fairtrade coffee initiative (which aims to buy coffee at “fair” prices from impoverished farmers) although it’s virtually impossible to actually find a Starfucks outlet that sells Fairtrade approved coffee

4) Price. One pound of the finest Arabica costs US$1.03 per pound. One cup of Starbucks coffee costs at least US$3. You love been screwed? Sucker!

5) Style. Serving coffee in paper/plastic cups? Not only is that sacrilege but it produces unnecessary waste. Coffee should only ever be served in mugs or coffee cups. And drinking coffee through a straw? Do these fuckers think we are still children or something?

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